This Is Me Maria

• My front yard. Half of the weed barrier I laid down is some how gone. So this whole section is over run with weeds.
• My “carport” what is also known as the entry way to my house. The previous owners attempted to enclose the carport. They did the shittiest job EVER.
• Everything about the upstairs which includes my kitchen and the upstairs bathroom. The walls, the floor, the cabinets. Ev-er-y-THING.
• My deck - 320 square feet of pain in my ass.
• My gigantic back yard - there are no words.
• I have resigned to pretending that the windows and siding don’t even exist because I doubt I’ll ever see them get replaced.

I know, I know got myself into this giant mess. In my defense though I said I wanted to move to this city. I did not say I wanted to move to this house. Mr. Maria picked out the house. I said we should wait for something else.

I really want to have a better POV on this. Like oh I’m so lucky that the only problems in my life are my house and my yard. And I should be happy for each day. And oh it could be so much worse.

I can’t though. Everyday that I have to come home to this house I am angry. I can’t handle this. This is why I ran away from home all the time when I was a teenager. We lived in my grandmother’s depressing unfinished house! I hated being there so much.

I would rather stay at work (where stupid angry people call me all day long) than go home at the end of each day. I only come home because I miss my family and they are the only things in the world that make me happy right now. I wish that was enough, but it isn’t. The rest of this is just too much.

The thing that makes me angrier than any of this is everyone who says, it will get done eventually, it will happen in time… and all the stupid shit they get to say because they don’t have to put up with this. BULL.SHIT. It took 2 years to get here. Like we’ve finally made it up to -1.

How am I ever going to make it to the end of this?

Tags: angry, house, stupid

This entry was posted on Tuesday, August 5th, 2008 at 11:46 pm and is filed under Misc. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.