Her
I’ve been exploring my emotions about her. I’ve cried more about her in the last week than I have in all the years since she died combined.
Christopher has been perfect. He’s only had one person close to him die, ever but he’s been perfect. You can only know what that means if you’ve lost someone close to you.
There are no words to make it better. There is only listening and being there in the moment with the pain surrounding you. It is really hard.
The most upsetting thing has been the thought of two little girls having to say goodbye to their mother. I feel like I’m watching someone else’s story when I think about this.
We were only able to say goodbye to her for what seemed like 10 minutes. It is silly but I kick my 11 year old self for not speaking up and saying “Hey! This is the last time I’m ever going to see my mom! LET ME STAY!”
I know there is no handbook that can tell you how to deal with children when their mother is dying, but I feel it could have been handled better. From not letting us stay longer with her, to stating to me that you blame my dad for my mom dying and everything in between.
I’m not done grieving but I think I will eventually be okay.
September 4th, 2008 at 12:47 am
I know that i’m not 11 years old and I can’t imagine how it would feel to deal with losing a parent that early in life. I’m 27 years old and my father died 6 weeks ago, he was 78 years old, I was the “suprise” child 17 years after he and his first wife were done having kids. I feel like I got robbed, his mom died when he was 76, my moms mom is still alive at 83, my mother is 57. I should have gotten to be in my 50’s when my dad died. My entire life I was painfully aware that he was much older than my friends fathers and that I was going to have much less time with my father than they would with theirs and I cursed the day, knowing it was coming so much sooner. I even tried to blame him for having me so late in his life, I told him it wasn’t fair, that they shouldn’t have done this to me, I’m his baby, why would he hurt me by leaving me so soon? But there’s no answer, I know he didn’t want to go but it was time.
I didn’t mean to go off on a tangent but I just wanted to let you know that I agree with you, there really are no words that make it better, sometimes I feel like the pain of loss will kill me, I hate to see the look in people’s eyes when they haven’t seen me since they heard about it but I know that i’ll get through it somehow, my life still continues and he will live on through me.
I want to wish you peace and comfort, I know it doesn’t ever hurt less but over time life gets a teeny bit more bearable one day at a time.
September 4th, 2008 at 9:46 pm
Thank you Crystal.