This Is Me Maria

• My front yard. Half of the weed barrier I laid down is some how gone. So this whole section is over run with weeds.
• My “carport” what is also known as the entry way to my house. The previous owners attempted to enclose the carport. They did the shittiest job EVER.
• Everything about the upstairs which includes my kitchen and the upstairs bathroom. The walls, the floor, the cabinets. Ev-er-y-THING.
• My deck - 320 square feet of pain in my ass.
• My gigantic back yard - there are no words.
• I have resigned to pretending that the windows and siding don’t even exist because I doubt I’ll ever see them get replaced.

I know, I know got myself into this giant mess. In my defense though I said I wanted to move to this city. I did not say I wanted to move to this house. Mr. Maria picked out the house. I said we should wait for something else.

I really want to have a better POV on this. Like oh I’m so lucky that the only problems in my life are my house and my yard. And I should be happy for each day. And oh it could be so much worse.

I can’t though. Everyday that I have to come home to this house I am angry. I can’t handle this. This is why I ran away from home all the time when I was a teenager. We lived in my grandmother’s depressing unfinished house! I hated being there so much.

I would rather stay at work (where stupid angry people call me all day long) than go home at the end of each day. I only come home because I miss my family and they are the only things in the world that make me happy right now. I wish that was enough, but it isn’t. The rest of this is just too much.

The thing that makes me angrier than any of this is everyone who says, it will get done eventually, it will happen in time… and all the stupid shit they get to say because they don’t have to put up with this. BULL.SHIT. It took 2 years to get here. Like we’ve finally made it up to -1.

How am I ever going to make it to the end of this?

Content type = bitchy drama

While I admit to being pretty damn lazy (my husband will attest to this) there is a certain level of lazy that I cannot tolerate and it is where lazy starts becoming irresponsible; or in this case is so far past the line of irresponsibility that “the line is a dot!” to those in question.

My spouse has a lot of non awesome family. I do too but my family doesn’t force me to hang out with them, so we are more like casual acquaintances - I know just enough to tolerate them or even mildly appreciate their rare presence in my life.

The most non awesome people in his family are two of his cousins. Their actions infuriate me but I can’t say squat to anyone because the grandparents would like to keep the peace even though they are the ones being used and screwed here. I know they are adults too who can make their own decisions but even adults sometimes need someone to stick up for them, unless of course they tell people not to…

I’ve been channeling my evil anger towards the Eviltons but that doesn’t seem to have stopped them from borrowing thousands of dollars from two little old people who don’t have much to spare, and dumping their bratty children on them instead of bucking up and paying their own bills and for childcare like the rest of us. What I wouldn’t give to say that to their faces but then I’d have to listen my husband bitch. (As a couple we go to great lengths to avoid listening to the other one bitch.)

Anyway, I know I’m not wrong here. I am just not mature enough to let this roll off because it keeps coming back up and all I can do is stand on the side lines with my fists clenched. I can’t do anything about it and I hate that.

/bitchy drama