This Is Me Maria

I love the ocean. I hope we’ll get a little place there one day. I love the vastness. I love the roar, the wind, the smell.

I love sweaters and boots and fluffy socks and anything lined with faux fur.

I love old paper. Old books. Old leather journals.

I love all the things that powerful women don’t care about anymore like cooking, baking, quilting, sewing, gardening, and the like. I wish I didn’t really suck at all of those things. I truly am Gen Y.

I love the movies The Lake House and You’ve Got Mail. No matter the shards of dreams on the floor, I guess I really am a sucker for in the words of Ms. Bradshaw “…ridiculous. inconvenient. consuming… can’t live without you love”.

I’m not really sure what that means anymore though… and I don’t know if I have it. I thought I did but then someone told me I didn’t.

I type so much faster than I can write a letter, but I wish I could turn all of my real friends who I only ever talk to online anymore, into pen pals. I wish I could shop for beautiful stationary. I wish I could get more than just bills, junk, and packages in my mailbox.

I haven’t much to say these days.

I am feeling OK. I go to therapy every week. I am adjusting nicely to my fluoxetine (Prozac). I even went out with my co-workers friends the other night.

Just trying to get through each day because I still have so much stress going on in my life right now. I am just working on dealing with all of it.

Thank you friends who have still been there for me even though I’ve been distant. Thank you friends who have listened intently while I throw up my emotions all over the floor.