This Is Me Maria

I rely on other people to validate my emotions, especially my husband. This is destructive to my soul, to say the least. Trying to figure out how to rely on myself and feed myself is so hard. I spend more time trying to get up then I do actually walking. I fear that I may never learn how to take care of myself emotionally.

Nonetheless this weekend while I spent a lot of time resting due to this cold; I was able to decide that I won’t quit. I worry that I may not be able to figure out how to do this while I am here with my husband in such close proximity. It is simply too easy to fall back on him. I don’t seem to learn when he isn’t there to catch me and I come crashing down to the ground and shattering in a million little pieces. I worry that I need to be away and alone to figure out how to do this.

However like I said, I have decided not to quit. I won’t give up. If this fails, it won’t be because I didn’t die trying. Although I am not yet staying for myself, who really ever does?