Her
Wednesday, August 13th, 2008I’ve been exploring my emotions about her. I’ve cried more about her in the last week than I have in all the years since she died combined.
Christopher has been perfect. He’s only had one person close to him die, ever but he’s been perfect. You can only know what that means if you’ve lost someone close to you.
There are no words to make it better. There is only listening and being there in the moment with the pain surrounding you. It is really hard.
The most upsetting thing has been the thought of two little girls having to say goodbye to their mother. I feel like I’m watching someone else’s story when I think about this.
We were only able to say goodbye to her for what seemed like 10 minutes. It is silly but I kick my 11 year old self for not speaking up and saying “Hey! This is the last time I’m ever going to see my mom! LET ME STAY!”
I know there is no handbook that can tell you how to deal with children when their mother is dying, but I feel it could have been handled better. From not letting us stay longer with her, to stating to me that you blame my dad for my mom dying and everything in between.
I’m not done grieving but I think I will eventually be okay.
