This Is Me Maria

With all of the medication changes, my progress is slow but here are some things I am doing to try and not die. For some reason I keep trying not to die which is completely opposite of my thoughts.

I am also reading this book called A Secret Sadness in addition to How I Stayed Alive When My Brain was Trying to Kill Me.

I am trying to write a crisis plan.

I go to therapy every week (except next week since she’s on vaca)

I started buying aromatheraputic cleaning products. I get angry when I clean, the aromatherapy helps calm me down quite a bit.

I am trying not to be alone. I shouldn’t be left alone and I’ve told Chris that and he does his best not to leave me when alone when I am having dark thoughts.

Sometimes I am really discouraged, others I feel okay. I don’t know when this will end. Hopefully soon.

I am going to have a pharmacy in my kitchen before this is all done. My insurance apparently requires me to try and fail on 2 other medications that have a generic version before they’ll pay for my Lexapro. So the next time I see my doctor I’ll be starting over on a new medication. Damn.