This Is Me Maria

While I realize and appreciate the value of experience in the work place - I really want to just focus on school. I just want to put my head down and go to school full time. I love to learn and it would feel good to just immerse myself in it.

If you read previous iterations of this blog, you know that I am very impatient. I can’t stand waiting. I have to do now while I’m in the mood.

Unfortunately I’m not in a place where I feel comfortable doing that yet so somehow I have to just wait. This quarter is almost over and I will not be returning to school until it is full time. I can’t earn the grades I want and work full time. It can’t be both, I’m only sorry I didn’t give in to that reality sooner before I dragged my GPA through the gutter.

I eagerly await the day I can explore the academic life again but for now I am just waving good bye for a couple years. If you hear me talking about signing up for a class again - yell at me to step down from the ledge.

I haven’t said much about this (here) because there isn’t much to say but I’m going to say all of this now…

My husband is sick. He has been sick for over a year. He has enlarge lymphnodes in his lungs. Every time he catches a cold, he stays sick for months. He coughs all the time…

He has been through numerous tests and procedures and they still don’t know what is wrong with him. Today he is having surgery to remove two of the enlarged lymphnodes for further investigation. I am grateful that he should get to come home the same day but there is a reason that someone that can make medical decisions for him has to be in the waiting room the entire time.

Of course I will wait for him just as I have for all of the other procedures he has had over the last year or more but this time he’ll seem more sick. I am still not okay with the hospitals. I spent a lot of time in the hospital as a child. Not because I was ill but because my mom was progressively more ill. Every time I have to visit someone in their hospital bed I feel like vomiting.

So I probably won’t be able to say all of this later but I don’t usually talk about how much I love Chris because I tend to go over board and it makes people throw up in their mouth a little. So hold on to your breakfast.

I have saved every corny letter, note and card that Chris and I have ever shared. While we have gone through some rough times - I love him so freaking much. Some would say that I am a bit obsessed with him which I think is pretty awesome after 7 going on 8 years of marriage. I can’t imagine my life with out him.

We aren’t a perfect couple at all. We argue like you wouldn’t believe but he is the most important person in my life. I trust him more than anyone. Surprising to even me I’ve found that I respect him more than anyone.

Well I just needed to get all of that out now because in a few hours I won’t be up to saying anything.