This Is Me Maria

Every time I get up to do something in my house, the stress of all the things that have to be done here overwhelms me so much that I can’t breathe. Just walking up the stairs today, I said to myself I can’t believe we can’t keep the nanny for the school year because - oh my goodness I need help.

I keep reading that sharing your goals is a good way to hold yourself accountable. So I’ve made a short list of things I’d like to accomplish by the end of the year. I need to create some new and good habits. I have some how morphed into this disorganized, jumbled mess when I am at home.

I used to be so anal and type A. I think moving to a home that I couldn’t make perfect, did me in. In order to survive in a house that is in a constant state of change and disarray, I have given in. I find myself more and more saying “Is this my life? How did I get here?”

I still can’t get over how much I miss the simplicity of the first home we bought, which was a brand new condo with landscaping people built in. I would gladly give up my privacy to move into a new planned neighborhood again where life is clean, planned and, simple.

Getting to the point - here is my I Want list for the rest of 2008.

I Want to bicycle to work.

Since moving to my new office, I haven’t biked in even though at 3.5 miles - it is a good distance to bike. I’ve been scared to bike in because regardless of the route there are at least 2 steep hills to climb there and back, and a lot of traffic to fight on streets with out a lot of room for bikes. I’ve been scouting out paths as I drive to and fro each day though and I think I might be ready soon. I ordered some more gear for my lovely girly bike that should be here next week.

I Want to finish the basement.

Our basement is just a few pieces of trim, a few tubes of caulk, and a couple coats of paint on the trim and doors away from being done enough for me to actually think about decorating. I have a list of like 10 things that need to be done to finish it up.

I Want to clean my room.

Our bedroom has also served as a dumping ground for all of our crap. The room is just full of crap. I hate going in there. Forget getting a good night rest. The problem is that with a house that is constantly shifting to make room for the remodel process - there isn’t a place to put all of this crap that formerly was in my home office.

I Want to keep the house tidy.

This is self explanatory. There are two young kids and two over time work & school outside the home parents. No one wants to deal with this. I refuse to clean up after other people anymore. Again in order to survive, I have given in and just let it go. Tidying up is sporadic and stuff just gets picked up since we don’t have an organizational system in place.

I will check in weekly monthly and report my progress.

It is widely known that we are workaholics in our house. We have to be careful (it is a constant struggle) because of course our children need us around too.

I need to get an STE certificate for my job, okay fine. I am excited to do it but there are problems. The classes are 8 hours a day on Saturdays, 3 weeks a month for 9 months starting in August.

Okay fine except in the fall soccer is on Saturday morning so I will be missing that. Also my husband usually works Saturdays so we are going to have to alternate with my mother in law (if she isn’t at her cabin) and I suspect we’ll need to find someone else too. Also I used to attend church on Saturdays and hoped I would grow a soul one day start going again this year. Oh well summer 2009 isn’t too far off right?

The best part of all of this is that each class is $550 a month. That is almost two car payments or almost two weeks of groceries. Luckily my husband has offered to pay for the classes because I can’t seem to find a part time job that fits into my crazy ass schedule.

Summer sucks. I wish we lived in Europe or where ever it is that the kids go to school all year long with a few 3 week vacations through out the year.

Summer sucks because I don’t like being too hot. Even though I have AC in my house and car, it has been too hot to be outside a lot the last few summers.

Summer sucks because all my kid’s friends with SAHMs ask to do play dates in the middle of a week day. Unless it is a national holiday - assume that I am at work and my children are unavailable for play dates.

Summer sucks because it is the busy season for my husband’s company so vacation is rarely possible. I do not vacation with kids and with out my husband. I did it once… never again.

Summer sucks because my kids have to go to a new childcare for the summer and make yet another transition.

Summer sucks because I still have the expectation on myself to some how magically be with the kids and entertain more like I did when I stayed at home.

Luckily both the preschool and 1st grade are sending home stacks of homework for the kids to do over the summer so that they don’t forget everything.

Luckily we have grass covering 90% of our backyard this year and can spend even more time back there.

Luckily oil is more expensive. We are forced to be more frugal but also more creative. We are finding that with careful planning and creativity out lifestyle is not impeded upon at all. In fact it is not so careless, it is meticulously planned, it is more green. Challenge of this nature squeezes out excess. It is interesting to change and evolve. I will miss my luxurious van but either make small uncomfortable adjustments now or big painful ones later.

Luckily there are many sports available for the kids to enjoy all summer long since I do not permit week day sports during the school year yet.

Luckily I am an expert popsicle creator.

Luckily life goes by at the perfect speed.