This Is Me Maria

Ever since I could write, I have been inconsistently keeping journals. Growing up I spent an inordinate amount of time at Barnes & Noble with my dad. I usually came home with a new shiny and cool looking journal rather than a book. I once loved fresh clean paper and a ballpoint pen. I would write in the journal for about a quarter of the book, throw it away and get a new one.

See I like to go back and read what I have written and eventually my words begin to haunt me and embarrass me. The same thing has happened with this blog a few times now…

I am going to unlock some posts I’ve written. They are rather dark. If you don’t like what you read, please hit that X button in the upper corner of your browser. If you think I should be committed, I agree with you. Feel free to contact my husband and tell him so.

Scroll down at your expense, you’ve been warned.

One might wonder why I bother having a blog when I don’t write much and don’t write much worth reading these days. The answer is that I have been so bogged down by stress over the last couple of years that I can barely form a sentence. Any ounce of quality writing in my system is occasionally squeezed out at work on some web page in need of content.

I really love to write. I have a lot to write about somewhere in my system. I write for my friends every once in awhile. I reach deep inside and pull out a whole bunch of things I didn’t know that I had. My writing seems to warm those few who get to read it on occasion.

Here on this blog, I have a stack of draft posts started on things I want to share with you but I can’t summon the energy to produce and finish quality content.

This week I will be starting visits with a therapist who I hope will be able to help with all of my stress. I have a lot of high level goals looming over my head and a lot of semi permanent life clutter preventing me from traveling a straight path and, causing me a great deal of stress.

Hopefully one day all of this Internet real estate occupation won’t be in vain.

Anyone remember when I first started this blog? I mean like the very first iteration. Anyone? Do you also remember the first time I shut down my blog? (Read: have shut down at least 3 times now) Well for whatever reason, I didn’t export in the appropriate fashion. I somehow turned all of my blog posts into a really secure PDF file that I can’t even copy and paste from.

I must now painstakingly retype every single one of those posts into Notepad before I can bring it here. There was some good stuff in there from like two years ago.

I am stupid.

I seem to have a knack for breaking blogs and websites. I am going to import my posts from my Green blog and just do all my Green blogging here from now on and shut down the broken one. I am too busy to maintain more than one site anyway… etc. etc.

Going to import some old posts from another blog I used to have, that was aimed at all things for the health and home. So if you are poking around the archives you might see some strange stuff.