This Is Me Maria

The worst part about family is how you can see parts of them in yourself.

My arms look like my mom’s arms. My feet look like my mom’s feet. My hands are big like my dad’s. My nose is big like my mom’s.

I have an unhealthy obsession with jewelry, like my grandma. Currently my house is unfinished and messy like hers too. I am not punctual, like my dad. I have a temper that bares the rage the boils inside me, like my mom.

My kids are a lot like me. Cody is insecure like me. You can tell when he talks. Madison looks just like me. (Her toes look like my sister’s funny shaped toes that I used to make fun of.)

They are like Chris too. Cody looks just like him. Madison has his long fingers. They both have his big, brown, puppy dog eyes and long lashes.

There some strange things I’ve inherited that I love though.

I am a night owl. While not very useful, I love the dark and the night.

I love the rain, trees, and clouds of the Seattle area.

I am conscious of the environment.

The moral glasses I look through are very  black and white. They are few if any areas of grey.

There are so many pieces of me that come from my parents and my upbringing. I’ve been trying to sift those out of the emotional clutter. The better I know myself, I think perhaps the better I can raise my littles to be the people I think they should be.

Being a young mom is an incredible challenge. There are 5 basic things every young mom needs in order to not only help raise her children, but develop herself into a successful adult. I had intended to publish all five at once but each section is long enough that together they are a bit too long for me. I’ve broken them down into 5 posts for your reading pleasure.

Self Respect

I really should have numbered each of these topics by importance. If I were going to do that Self Respect would be #1.

Society does not tend to look favorably upon young mothers. It isn’t difficult to understand why but for those of us behind the stereotype, on the other side of the dropped jaw and wide eyed stares, going to school and working, trying to figure out who we are - society is a haunting voice.

It is difficult to participate in society especially in the world of other parents when you aren’t welcomed with open arms. Young mothers need to remember that they have a right to be there (wherever that may be) just as much as any other parent.

You’ll often see me vent about my run ins with yet another parent whose jaw needs to be reeled back in with a fishing line, or has to play 20 questions and practically gives themselves an aneurysm trying to do the math.

Initially I felt intimidated by all of these other parents, especially these older women who can be so crass. In one of the early years as a volunteer in my son’s preschool I tried a new approach. I immediately put on the defense and made sure to give everyone a death stare as I went about completing my volunteer tasks. I definitely got a lot less annoying questions but I also didn’t make any friends.

I eventually learned to just be myself and be friendly to others. I went through a lot of weird phases as I tried to figure out who I was, where I fit in and what I was supposed to be doing. As I learn more about myself, I continue to attract and surround myself by other people who help make my life enjoyable.

I know that I am not any less of a person than any other parent. I still have to work hard not to compare myself to others. I have made a point to trust myself, my decisions, wishes, goals and beliefs. I respect myself enough to know when I don’t have all of the wisdom or knowledge needed to make some decisions.

Self Respect is what will carry you the furthest. It will enable you and empower you. It may be hard to find in the beginning but don’t give up. You are someone to be respected because you are trying to be a good mother.

Being a young mom is an incredible challenge. There are 5 basic things every young mom needs in order to not only help raise her children, but develop herself into a successful adult. I had intended to publish all five at once but each section is long enough that together they are a bit too long for me. I’ve broken them down into 5 posts for your reading pleasure.

Support

I’m not sure I can fully explain how important it is to have support when you are staring motherhood in the face at a young age. So I’ll just tell you about the support I’ve received and what it has and does mean to me.

The first place I received support from was my new in-laws. I was very fortunate that they were and are so kind and caring. While I didn’t accept that support right away, I eventually came to rely on it. In many ways parenting has only gotten more difficult. By not burning that bridge even though I just wanted to be left alone, I have created a pipeline for support to flow down to me and to my children. As I face new challenges this support is invaluable.

Support doesn’t have to come in the form of family though and it some cases it may not. Another place that I received support from in the early months was from a woman who worked in my school district, in a program for young moms. While she couldn’t technically “help” me because I didn’t qualify for any aid, she still came around. She came to talk, to listen, to point me to resources. Those few minutes here and there meant so much to me because it was just a time where my friends weren’t around very much and I was still kind of lost. It gave me a little extra push to keep going.

Lastly the place that I go to the most and have gone to the longest is a group of other young moms that I originally met online in a message board group years ago. This group of ladies is a bit like a lifeline. Sure we have our ups and downs like any friends but many of us have met one or two other members. Many talk on the phone, IM, email, snail mail etc. Just the other day I received a wedding invitation from one of my dear friends that I’ve never met in person. In this small group we go through life’s trials and watch each other and our children grow and find comfort in the fact that we aren’t alone.

The point is to find support somewhere. It doesn’t have to be in person. It doesn’t have to be family because lets face it, that isn’t always going to happen. It just has to provide you with comfort, a “shoulder” to cry on, a listening ear, and an open mind.

Being a young mom is an incredible challenge. There are 5 basic things every young mom needs in order to not only help raise her children, but develop herself into a successful adult. I had intended to publish all five at once but each section is long enough that together they are a bit too long for me. I’ve broken them down into 5 posts for your reading pleasure.

Resources

In the state that I live in we are blessed to have so many resources for young mothers and families in general.

Depending on your needs whatever they may be, you may find resources online, with your family and friends, at your church or through a program in your community and even your doctors.

A resource can be anything from getting baby food coupons from companies that sell baby food to a reliable babysitter so you can attend classes, to recipes for healthy meals that won’t cost you fortune and even advice about how to get your picky toddler to eat.

Look and ask for the resources that you need. There are so many helpful people and programs out there. Not once have I seen any of my friends who are also young mothers go with out something they need because they are always looking for resources to help them accomplish their tasks.

When my son was a baby I always had tons of coupons that came in handy for all of the inevitable crap you buy for your first born. When my daughter was born my friends at church would hold her or play with my son so that I could take time to myself to listen to the minister or afterwards chat with other friends.

I am forever grateful for the many resources I have drawn on over the years. Even now when we are in the position to be a resource of some kind to someone else, I still seek out other kinds of resources for the ever changing needs of our lives.

Remember that no person is an island unto themselves. We were not meant to go through life without one another. You will always need some kind of resource in your life, learn how to ask for help now when you are needing it the most.

Being a young mom is an incredible challenge. There are 5 basic things every young mom needs in order to not only help raise her children, but develop herself into a successful adult. I had intended to publish all five at once but each section is long enough that together they are a bit too long for me. I’ve broken them down into 5 posts for your reading pleasure.

Education

Of course a formal education never hurt anyone and is something I highly recommend that all young mothers pursue at least for the sake of being educated if nothing else. However there are other kinds of education that a young mother can benefit from. Here are just a couple.

Personal financial management is probably one of the biggest issues that a young mother will have to deal with. Your financial life dictates pretty much everything else in your life. Using your jump start into adulthood to your advantage by setting financial goals and plans now will only benefit you in the long run. A good financial planner will meet with you, plan with you and advise you for no upfront costs. There are also many great books you can check out from your local library as well as many resources online. Just seek and you will find.

Nutrition knowledge and cooking is a life long invaluable skill to have. The more you know about nutrition, the better decisions you can make for yourself and your child. The better you and your child can eat, the fewer health problems you and your child are likely to have. This will not only save you money but possible heartache in the long run.

The more you experiment and grow into your own cooking style, the more you’ll enjoy eating nutritious food. There is something rewarding about eating a meal you created on your own. Maybe you only have an old two person table in your tiny apartment but if you sit there everyday for at least one meal with your child, you are making memories.

Our first home as a family was a tiny 650 sq ft 1 bedroom apartment. Cody and I used to sit in our tiny dining room with the sun coming through window and eat lunch everyday. When my daughter was born we had purchased our first home, an 800 sq ft condo. Around this time I fell into a deep bought with the depression. The one thing I could effortlessly get up for over and over was to feed my children. I was somehow able to prepare food for them even though at moments I could barely breathe. Sitting with them at the table was the most sane part of each day.

Being a young mom is an incredible challenge. There are 5 basic things every young mom needs in order to not only help raise her children, but develop herself into a successful adult. I had intended to publish all five at once but each section is long enough that together they are a bit too long for me. I’ve broken them down into 5 posts for your reading pleasure.

Creativity

All moms can use a dose of creativity; young mothers especially need creativity to navigate the murky waters of motherhood. Whether it is getting a cranky toddler to stop crying when you are at your wits end, figuring out how to cook food that isn’t from a box or trying to juggle your overloaded schedule; creativity is a key ingredient to success and sanity.

In the early years of motherhood I found that getting in touch with that part of me that was still very a much a young person and strapping on my creativity boots, helped me deal with my needy son. Creativity doesn’t have to be about scrap booking or painting a mural on your child’s bedroom walls. Let your child and your surroundings inspire your creativity to help you accomplish your most daunting tasks. You may find that your new found creativity can extend into many aspects of your life.

While you may have a hobby or a career that helps you define yourself, one of your crafts is also being a mother. Own your craft, grow into your uniqueness and allow yourself to be good the mother that you are. The best way to do this is using your own unique creativity.

I used to often find myself comparing my parenting skills with that of the other parents around me. It is easy to get sucked into a vortex of worry and self doubt. Especially when your the path ahead is not always clear and despite your lack of life experience, you are forced to carry on.

Realize that you will have your own unique way of parenting and your journey will be very different than that of those around you. Learn and grow and prosper from your unique experiences as a young mother. You have SO MUCH to offer your child.